Some Really Funny Ones

A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it because the thief was spending less than his wife did.

Love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener.

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife.

Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say. After marriage, he will fall asleep before you finish.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

A little boy asked his father, 'Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?' And the father replied, 'I don't know, son, I'm still paying for it.'

A couple was having a discussion about family finances. Finally the husband exploded, 'If it weren't for my money, the house wouldn't be here!' The wife replied, 'My dear, if it weren't for your money, I wouldn't be here.'

Dear God, I pray for Wisdom to understand my man;
Love to forgive him; and Patience for his moods;
Because , if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death.

Current Affair Cartoons

Should Have old me Earlier

Once a man went to a Veterinary Doctor and said:

Doctor I have come on vacation for a month so that I can get myself treated fully within this period.

Doctor: I think you should go to the Doctor opposite to my clinic, see that board.

Man: No, Doctor, I have come to you only

Doctor: But, gentleman I am a Veterinary Doctor. I am an animal specialist. I do not treat human beings.

Man: I know very well Doctor and that is why I have come to you only...

Doctor: I cannot, because you speak like me, think like me, talk like me which means you are a human being and not an animal.

Man: I know I am a human but listen to my complaints first:

Doctor: OK.. Tell me.

Man:

I sleep like a dog thinking about my work load whole night.
I get up in the morning like a horse
I go to work running like a deer
I work all the day like a donkey
I run around for 11 months like a bull without any holiday.
I wag my tail in front of all my bosses
I play with my children like a monkey if I get time.
I am like a rabbit before my wife

Doctor: are you FROM Mumbai ?

Man: Yes

Doctor: Instead of telling this long history you should have told me in the beginning itself that you are FROM Mumbai. Come man, no one can treat you better than me..

Serious Family Problems

Two men, one American and an Indian were sitting in a bar drinking shot after shot.

The Indian man said to the American, "You know my parents are forcing me to get married to this so called homely girl from a village whom I haven't even met once.

We call this arranged marriage. I don't want to marry a woman whom I don't love...I told them that openly and now have a hell lot of family problems."

The American said, "Talking about love marriages... I'll tell you my story.

I married a widow whom I deeply loved and dated for 3 years.

"After a couple of years, my father fell in love with my step-daughter and so my father became my son-in-law and I became my father's father-in-law.

My daughter is my mother and my wife my grandmother.

More problems occurred when I had a son. My son is my father's brother and so he is my uncle. Situations turned worse when my father had a son. Now my father's son i.e. my brother is my grandson.

Ultimately, I have become my own grand father and I am my own grandson.

And you say you have family problems..